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Imagine having two side-by-side flat panel plasma TVs in your living room smack dab in front of your sofa. You’ve got soda, lots of sweets, and new batteries on your clicker.

There is an NFL game on one television and there is a Major League Baseball game on the other and they all occur at the same time.

In addition to this being the idea of hog heaven for many sports lovers and much better than clicking back and forth between games with just one TV, seeing the discrepancies between these two pro sports is enjoyable. It is a nightly tradition to see the NFL on TV; baseball is on any night of the week, yet seeing the two together is almost as rewarding as attending a snuggle-fest of Cowboy cheerleaders.

And that’s just what I recently did (not the snuggle-fest, but the thing with the two TVs). This is what occurred:

The soccer game began with a huge shot to the opposition team, and a 250-pound line, plus men with murder in their hearts, began to charge towards the poor slob who captured the ball. He was flattened by his pursuers after a few seconds, becoming the lowest guy in a rather fearsome adult male pig-pile. MLB players seem to be a little mellower and less aggressive, but it is important for all pro players to be good in every sport. Football players are consuming steroids and baseball players are being caught.

The MLB game, meanwhile, started out a little less thrilling. As I saw the catcher and pitcher play catch while the batter just standing there spitting and changing his groin, my heart rate and heartbeat started to slow down. I quickly got frustrated and turned back to playing an NFL online.

Two men were wounded in a span of three minutes, with one getting his foot moved to his armpit. The ball changed hands twice, a td was scored, and a whole bunch of tackling, bashing, crunching and finger-breaking resulted.

Football is something like an instant treat, an ADD-friendly game to enjoy.

For a few minutes, I looked back at the MLB game. Two strikes and four pop outs came and went, and with no movement to show for it, we were only in the second inning. A baseball game, where persistence and number-crunching are paramount, is sort of a wise-old-man type of sport. This venerates serenity.

Soccer reveres mayhem. Football viewing has me agitated and all worked up. Baseball playing leaves me tired. Typically, in truth, I like watching the first two or three innings, falling asleep, and then waking up to catch the last few innings. It’s fun to watch football players strike each other with maximum power and light up each other, and dozing is out of the question. It’s sort of amusing to see one grown man with a ball in a glove pursue another grown man to tag him in a pickle.